Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Oh, dear sweet beauty...
But with all things come change, and we must accept it. And your new plans as told by the current owner couldn't have made me happier.
"As the owner of the Kalakala, he has to have hope to believe the art-deco ferry boat can be restored and serve as a centerpiece for new development along Tacoma's waterfront that could include an indoor ski-slope, sky-diving, a hotel, and a dolphin aquarium."
Sky diving into a dolphin aquarium is how I always imagined it would be. But now you are for sale and there is indoor ski slope in your future. Unless the city is able to pull together and rebuild the Kingdome, there is no proper place for you on earth. All we can do now is fill you with some sort of eternal light and launch you into space to forever orbit the earth. And on summer evenings when the children are collecting fireflies, they will be able to look up and say," Look daddy! There goes the Kalakala, the jewel of the fleet."
The jewel indeed.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Occupy Viaduct Message Clear
For the second day in a row, protesters have gathered atop the Alaskan Way viaduct in downtown Seattle causing massive traffic delays. They have gathered there claiming they are the 99% who do not want a tunnel to be dug.
Someone claiming to be the leader read a statement to Cindi Rinehart today on Northwest Afternoon. "Our demand here is to be taken very serious. We demand the mainstream media, such as CNN and The Washington Apple, acknowledge that only the 1% of people are making the decision that we will have to run the St Pattys day dash on surface streets. Also, we want to save the Ballard Denny's."
Friday, November 4, 2011
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Happy National Fried Clam Day!
Put down the Bit-O-Honey and Candy Corn, it is National Fried Clam Day.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
State-Off #3 – The State of Washington vs. the Commonwealth of Virginia
4. Get emotional
5. DO NOT OBSERVE!
5. Learn to count, foreigner! You already did step 5!
7. Repeat steps 1-6. (Skip step 7 the second time around)
8. Go home!
9. Don’t you even think about moving here!
Monday, August 15, 2011
It looks like the fine city of Milton wants to play. After reviewing my voters pamphlet for King County's August 16 primary, the first candidate that jumped out was Caleb Lewis who is running for Mayor of Milton. My first thought was my nieces husband is running for mayor,but after I read Caleb's bio, I knew this student is for real. He is currently attending Oregon State University and does not understand the meaning of "Act Globally, Educate Locally."I will not go on and rip this local who wants to defect from Washington for his education, since he will not be my mayor. Although, I do suggest that the residents of Milton do some research on your incumbent, Debra Perry, who's eduction consists of: Business, Commercial Art, Real Estate School; Planning and Development Course. I think we all know that you don't learn curb appeal at a university.
Friday, August 12, 2011
2011 Seafair in review. Plus, 2012 Seafair spoiler alert
Well, it looks like another year of Seafair has come and gone. The hydros have raced out of town, the Blue Angels have flown, and the Torchlight has been extinguished. And as in any Seafair year, this year can be summed up in one word, Dumb.
Seafair started in 1950, and according to their website, helped put Seattle on the map. That's just dumb. Seattle was already on every map by 1950. I have a map from 1920 and Seattle is on it. Seattle was settled in 1851. And why would mapmakers take particular interest in a city's festivals during their job? I would think they would be more concerned with geography than boat races.
Seafair has hardly changed in 60 years, but some old people will tell you about two major differences. For one, they never had to close down a major interstate for some airplanes. Imagine that, closing down a national highway and a limited thoroughfare for something that is in the sky. The other change is they no longer have the synchronized swimming exposition in Greenlake, but I think we all know why.
Sharpened spikes at Green LakeSo here we are in 2011 still doing the same dumb shit. A parade, which somehow still draws a crowd. A few high school marching bands, old ladies that have a dance club from whatever their heritage is, and the Grand Marshall game show host Drew Carey sitting in a car. It sounds like a fucked up dream that I am glad I have never had.
And can anybody tell me the winner of the hydro race this year? How many boat sponsors can you name? I can name more WNBA teams than hydroplane boats.
It's ok to have Seafair, it's a weekend of party boats on the lake, I get it. But don't try to sell it as a community event. That's dumb. It's exactly what it says it is. The Puyallup Fair on water.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Thanks to all who attended tonight’s gathering. I wanted to take the time to address the many comments, questions, and what knots regarding our Radular Tooth. As many of you know, this dynamic individual was brought on board to focus on the rapid-growth of the Food and Weather business channel segments. Hopefully this censored picture will answer everyone’s concerns (especially the what knots) and illustrate, that even dedicated members of our staff have island based priorities. So to all those concerned, he is who we thought he was. Dear Radular Tooth, please stay with us awhile.
Monday, August 8, 2011
S&P downgrades City of Tacoma
The City of Tacoma was downgraded by Standard & Poors on Monday. Um OK I am fine with the new AA+ rating, as long as the Tacoma Dome does not go into foreclosure. I don't think S&P knows who they're dealing with. Everybody knows a city with two bridges means they are not afraid to burn one, so investors beware.
I wish I had more info, but I have been busy working on a story about Chip Hanauer doing cocaine off of Pat O'Day's leg while riding in a corvette during the 1989 Torchlight Parade...
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Oh, so it's ok for coyotes to play spaceman
What the hell is wrong with you people? This last week was such a blur of emotions for me as I was forced to follow the news story about a stupid coyote who got caught in my mayonnaise trap. I couldn't believe my eyes! People felt bad for the thing. Well nobody felt bad for me last week when my head was stuck in a mayonnaise jar, for 5 days!
The wildlife agents were scared to hit it with tranquilizer in fear that it could die from being so thirsty. Come on, I got shot like 20 times. I was wandering around the neighborhood looking for help and people kept shooting me. Mostly bb's I think, but I could swear I saw some wildlife agents high fiving each other right before I got sleepy.
And then some couple tackles it to remove the jar, then lets it go! They didn't kick it in the ribs or pull its shirt up over its head or try to fart in the jar. Why do people like coyotes more than they like me? Is it because I don't break into their chicken coop and eat their hens? Because I will totally do that.
There is a lesson to this story though. If you see a coyote in a mayonnaise jar, just let him be. He's the lucky one.
State wildlife officials kill 2 coyotes in Lake Forest Park
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Walla Walla stepping it up for the rest of us fatties...
On the heels of being named the 28th fattest state in America, we get word that Walla Walla, WA. has taken home the honor of “Friendliest town in the universe.”
- The Walla Walla Sweet Onion
- Walla Walla State Penitentiary
So, what's the deal, Walla Walla? Who did you pay off to ignore your naughty, little secrets? Thank you??
Sunday, July 24, 2011
44 injured in 'hay ride gone wrong' on Shaw Island
San Juan County Sheriff Rob Nou called it a "hay ride gone terribly wrong."
Medics and emergency personnel responded to the scene, on Hoffman Cove Road, at about 11:20 a.m. after receiving 911 calls.
Nou said a tractor was pulling a flatbed trailer carrying about 50 people from at least two church youth groups who were having a weekend retreat at Our Lady of the Rock Monastery on the small island.
As the hay ride travelled down Hoffman Cove Road on a downhill grade, the trailer overpowered the tractor and began pushing it down the grade.
As the trailer gained speed and momentum, it caused the tractor to jackknife. As it did, the drawbar bent and the front axle of the trailer failed, dumping the occupants off the trailer.
At least four patients were airlifted to regional hospitals, Nou said. None of the injuries are believed to be life-threatening.
Up to 40 other people received less serious injuries.
Additional paramedics were sent over from Orcas Island to treat the large number of injured. A Washington state ferry was diverted to Shaw Island to transport some of the less seriously injured to the mainland.
The tractor and hay-ride trailer belong to the monastery. It was being operated by a 46-year-old Bellingham man.
Names, ages and conditions of those involved were not immediately available. The accident remains under investigation, Nou said.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
State Off #2 - It's pronounced wis-CAN-sin
Time for a State Off.
Look at this image with it's squared off corners and it's rectangular shape. Yes, it has shape.
What is this blob all about? It looks like Admiral Akbar getting ready to gargle some salt water.
Enjoy this. Breathe it in. The sun setting on sculptured rock formations. The wind swept trees standing the test of time. The air of mystique can swallow you whole and you can live inside it's belly for 3 days and nights before it spits you out.
Well this is... Actually, I just feel bad that someone felt compelled to take this photo.
Bernie the Brewer, supposedly. Nothing creepy about that. I'll tell you, as a kid, I used to love having drunk, mustached men come up to me and give me hugs. Oh, I'm sure there is some good ol' timey story that goes along with him, but let me tell you a little story of my own.....
It's the story about an old mustached man that went for a walk in the woods and found himself between an adult moose and her calf.
Well what about Green Bay?
Sorry, our waters are blue. Glacier blue.
Going over the numbers, it looks like Washington comes out on top 4-0. A clean sweep. Now I don't want to leave this without something Wisconsin can be proud of. But then again, they put cheese on there head. Pride might be gone. So instead, fill your shame hole with some fried cheese, salty milk brats, and pork lard kringles. Then wash it away with an 18 pack of MGD 64.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Annual Seattle to Portland Bike Classic Thrills Riders of all Ages
The Annual bike ride along the side roads of I-5 brought out thousands of cyclists last weekend. And although the bike ride ends in Oregon, the majority of it takes place in Washington, because Oregon is boring.
We sent our regional events correspondent, Lowtide, to Portland to cover the event. But since he didn't get the article written by the deadline, I am left here with just some notes to transcribe.
- A lot of hippies walking around
- Portland girls are pretty hot
- Had to walk far to find a bar
- Pretty shitty old fashioned here. Trying the place across the street
- No Makers Mark! WTF?
- Damn bikers wear some stupid clothes
- Fuck you Bartender!
Friday, July 8, 2011
Looking for something to do this weekend, Washington?
I offer you the first annual "Goatalympics." You're welcome, Washington. Go forth, be happy, and enjoy. Please remember to wash your hands.
Bye and Bye indeed...
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Stop putting sugar on your Cheerios, Washington! You are too fat…and it’s not the good kind of fat!
Friday, July 1, 2011
State-Off #1 - At least we're not Connecticut...
Washington: “An oceanic climate (also called "west coast marine climate") predominates in western Washington, and a much drier semi-arid climate prevails east of the Cascade Range.”
Connecticut: “Interior portions of Connecticut have a humid continental climate, while other parts, especially the Connecticut shoreline (southern four counties), have a humid subtropical climate with seasonal extremes tempered by proximity to the Atlantic Ocean.”
“There isn't an official international definition of a mountain, but it's generally accepted that it should be higher and steeper than a hill.
The US has its own definition of a mountain, which is that it must be over 1000 feet (304.8 meters) at its highest point above base.
A US hill cuts off at 999 feet (304.5 meters).”