Thursday, July 28, 2011
What the hell is wrong with you people? This last week was such a blur of emotions for me as I was forced to follow the news story about a stupid coyote who got caught in my mayonnaise trap. I couldn't believe my eyes! People felt bad for the thing. Well nobody felt bad for me last week when my head was stuck in a mayonnaise jar, for 5 days!
The wildlife agents were scared to hit it with tranquilizer in fear that it could die from being so thirsty. Come on, I got shot like 20 times. I was wandering around the neighborhood looking for help and people kept shooting me. Mostly bb's I think, but I could swear I saw some wildlife agents high fiving each other right before I got sleepy.
And then some couple tackles it to remove the jar, then lets it go! They didn't kick it in the ribs or pull its shirt up over its head or try to fart in the jar. Why do people like coyotes more than they like me? Is it because I don't break into their chicken coop and eat their hens? Because I will totally do that.
There is a lesson to this story though. If you see a coyote in a mayonnaise jar, just let him be. He's the lucky one.
State wildlife officials kill 2 coyotes in Lake Forest Park
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
On the heels of being named the 28th fattest state in America, we get word that Walla Walla, WA. has taken home the honor of “Friendliest town in the universe.”
- The Walla Walla Sweet Onion
- Walla Walla State Penitentiary
So, what's the deal, Walla Walla? Who did you pay off to ignore your naughty, little secrets? Thank you??
Sunday, July 24, 2011
San Juan County Sheriff Rob Nou called it a "hay ride gone terribly wrong."
Medics and emergency personnel responded to the scene, on Hoffman Cove Road, at about 11:20 a.m. after receiving 911 calls.
Nou said a tractor was pulling a flatbed trailer carrying about 50 people from at least two church youth groups who were having a weekend retreat at Our Lady of the Rock Monastery on the small island.
As the hay ride travelled down Hoffman Cove Road on a downhill grade, the trailer overpowered the tractor and began pushing it down the grade.
As the trailer gained speed and momentum, it caused the tractor to jackknife. As it did, the drawbar bent and the front axle of the trailer failed, dumping the occupants off the trailer.
At least four patients were airlifted to regional hospitals, Nou said. None of the injuries are believed to be life-threatening.
Up to 40 other people received less serious injuries.
Additional paramedics were sent over from Orcas Island to treat the large number of injured. A Washington state ferry was diverted to Shaw Island to transport some of the less seriously injured to the mainland.
The tractor and hay-ride trailer belong to the monastery. It was being operated by a 46-year-old Bellingham man.
Names, ages and conditions of those involved were not immediately available. The accident remains under investigation, Nou said.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Time for a State Off.
Look at this image with it's squared off corners and it's rectangular shape. Yes, it has shape.
What is this blob all about? It looks like Admiral Akbar getting ready to gargle some salt water.
Enjoy this. Breathe it in. The sun setting on sculptured rock formations. The wind swept trees standing the test of time. The air of mystique can swallow you whole and you can live inside it's belly for 3 days and nights before it spits you out.
Well this is... Actually, I just feel bad that someone felt compelled to take this photo.
Bernie the Brewer, supposedly. Nothing creepy about that. I'll tell you, as a kid, I used to love having drunk, mustached men come up to me and give me hugs. Oh, I'm sure there is some good ol' timey story that goes along with him, but let me tell you a little story of my own.....
It's the story about an old mustached man that went for a walk in the woods and found himself between an adult moose and her calf.
Well what about Green Bay?
Sorry, our waters are blue. Glacier blue.
Going over the numbers, it looks like Washington comes out on top 4-0. A clean sweep. Now I don't want to leave this without something Wisconsin can be proud of. But then again, they put cheese on there head. Pride might be gone. So instead, fill your shame hole with some fried cheese, salty milk brats, and pork lard kringles. Then wash it away with an 18 pack of MGD 64.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
The Annual bike ride along the side roads of I-5 brought out thousands of cyclists last weekend. And although the bike ride ends in Oregon, the majority of it takes place in Washington, because Oregon is boring.
We sent our regional events correspondent, Lowtide, to Portland to cover the event. But since he didn't get the article written by the deadline, I am left here with just some notes to transcribe.
- A lot of hippies walking around
- Portland girls are pretty hot
- Had to walk far to find a bar
- Pretty shitty old fashioned here. Trying the place across the street
- No Makers Mark! WTF?
- Damn bikers wear some stupid clothes
- Fuck you Bartender!
Friday, July 8, 2011
I offer you the first annual "Goatalympics." You're welcome, Washington. Go forth, be happy, and enjoy. Please remember to wash your hands.
Bye and Bye indeed...
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Friday, July 1, 2011
“There isn't an official international definition of a mountain, but it's generally accepted that it should be higher and steeper than a hill.
The US has its own definition of a mountain, which is that it must be over 1000 feet (304.8 meters) at its highest point above base.
A US hill cuts off at 999 feet (304.5 meters).”