The Lady Washington may soon be returning to her familiar role as the battle-hardened blade on the sword of Washington State justice.
Upon hearing the news today that Washington’s official state ship is no longer welcome to return to her winter moorings in California, Governor Christine Gregoire has issued an emergency order asking for 300 stout volunteers to man her sails and cannon, and prepare her for what very well may be her most daunting challenge in over a century.
“The Californians are a dirty and untrustworthy people,” said Gregoire. “They are as vicious and vile as they are unkempt. They steal our electricity, raise our property values, and laugh in the face of our delicious Jones soda. If they won’t let our great Lady Washington into their precious harbors, then we shall fight our way in. They have trembled at the cries of our loons, and now they will tremble at the sound of our guns.”
The governor wasted no time in appointing a captain for the Lady Washington’s upcoming date with destiny.
“I have thought long and hard about this decision, and I can tell you it did not come easy,” said Gregoire. But I believe I have chosen wisely, and I have nothing but the utmost trust and faith that Captain Robert “Ironsides” Mak will lead our brave sailors to victory over these California heathens.
His many years of experience with seamen of all types will be a valuable asset to operation ‘Evergreen Retribution.’ For years he has been entrusted with the timely and accurate delivery of quality news with King 5, and now he will be entrusted with the timely and accurate delivery of justice for all Washingtonians.”
Godspeed, Captain Mak. Godspeed, Washington.