Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Walla Walla stepping it up for the rest of us fatties...

Walla Walla, WA.
On the heels of being named the 28th fattest state in America, we get word that Walla Walla, WA. has taken home the honor of “Friendliest town in the universe.

Way to go, Walla Walla! The rest of you Washingtonians need to take a quick break away from your deep-fried candy corn lunches long enough to send a big “Thank You” to Walla Walla for helping to erase some of the shame you’re all responsible for. Not all of it, mind you…some of it. (Yeah…deep-friend candy corn…I’m full of amazing ideas! But seriously, don’t eat any…fatso!)

I have to admit…I was more than a little surprised. I mean, don’t get me wrong…Walla Walla is a lovely place, with lovely people, lovely landscapes, lovely buildings, lovely restaurants, lovely birds, lovely streets, lovely mosquitoes, lovely toenails, lovely turnips, lovely rutabagas and lovely rutabaga farmers who lovingly love their rutabaga farms and who lovingly farm lovely rutabagas, lovely Whitman Colleges, lovely cats, lovely shops with lovely knick-knacks tucked lovingly inside, lovely dentists and cavities, lovely Arbys, and lovely Rite-Aids.  Walla Walla is certainly lovely. But friendly?

Let’s play a little word association. I say a word, and you blurt out the first things that come to mind.

Our word is, “Walla Walla.”

I’m betting you thought about one of the two following things:

  1. The Walla Walla Sweet Onion
If you’re ever bored, saunter on over to  Make sure it’s .org too, because I have a feeling might take you somewhere either don’t want to be, or really, really, really want to be and I can’t be held responsible for. I won’t judge you.

You’ll learn all about the Walla Walla Sweet Onion. Think about that for a second. Washington state has an onion so powerful and mighty that it has it’s own .org website. .ORG!!!! Take that, you stupid California raisins! Unfortunately, it’s one of those websites that you’re surprised there isn’t a dancing animated onion gif and a visitor counter centered at the bottom of the page, but that’s neither here nor there nor anywhere nor any of your business.

Wow, I’m off-track. Anyway, the Walla Walla Sweet Onion is certainly a powerful and influential (and lovely) beast. But friendly?

  1. Walla Walla State Penitentiary
The state of Washington has one state penitentiary…located guessed it...Walla Walla. The naughtiest bunch of Washington’s naughty are sent here. According to the internet, ”It is the site of Washington State's death row and where executions are carried out. Methods for execution currently include lethal injection, and the option of hanging.”

HAHAHA…options are good!! Friendly options...

So, what's the deal, Walla Walla? Who did you pay off to ignore your naughty, little secrets?  Thank you??

- Clambaker

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