School District budgetary constraints force students to administer their own flu shots

Liberty Lake, WA
For students like Teresa Hutchinson (above), prepping her arm for a flu shot has become an all too typical part of her morning routine.

“It hurt the first couple of times, but that’s because I was trying to stick it in my ear,” said the 10-year old as she administered her daily vaccine over an oversized bowl of Apple Jacks. “I don’t understand all of the words on the bottle the school gave us. What’s a ‘chronic medical condition’? You want some apple j…j…j…j...j...jacks?”

Martha Gibbons (Liberty Lake School Superintendent/Mayor/Businesswoman/Catholic/Gemini/Kind of bushy eyebrows but not so bushy they look freaky...well maybe a little freaky) responded yesterday to critics of the school district’s recent policy change by issuing the following statement to the press:

“To whom it may concern, as well as to all normally-sized eyebrow folk whom I so deeply distrust,

We told all them students to tell their parents and/or adult supervisor to help them out with them injections. End a story!”

Dr. Franklin Berringer of the Washington State Board of Health had an entirely different reaction when asked his opinion of the recent policy change. “What? Is this a joke?” said Berringer. “Themselves? Daily inoculations? Where the fuck is Liberty Lake? "