Mike Zunino to give TED Talks

 

Protesters Win; Shell Oil Goes out of Business

Seattle, WA
It read like a Hollywood script, a small group of intellectuals forced to take on an industry giant to save Planet Earth from total destruction. But that is exactly what happened last week in the waters of Puget Sound. To most of us, the Shell oil rig that docked in Seattle was just one of a thousand rigs working around the world. But to the more learned audience, this particular rig means disaster. According to "Junebug", this rig has the capabilities of drilling oil on the moon and piping it back to Earth which then carries the potential of a space spill. "Imagine if every airplane in the sky was dumping oil or some byproduct into the atmosphere, that is what it would be like." she explained.
The protesters united for battle on the sea with their kayaks aligned like the cavalry of Genghis Khan. Shell Oil in it's 100 year history had never experienced anything of this magnitude.While most people were busy at work, this small group of underdogs had dismantled the 4th largest company in the world. As of yesterday, Shell Oil had closed the doors on it's headquarters one last time.

Where's LowTide?

Our very own LowTide was captured on film recently by the Seattle Times. For those of you in the know, capturing LowTide on film can be more rare than capturing footage of Bigfoot himself, and certainly more dangerous.

For the photographers at the Seattle Times, a warning...  LowTide does not appreciate your soul-stealing treachery...especially when attempting to purchase superfluous pieces of Flying Bird on the down low. May God and LowTide have mercy on you when they team up to hunt you down...

In the meantime...help us find Lowtide!!!! Can you find him???? He's in there...

 - Clambaker

Who's more Seattley than Seattle? Portland, apparently...

God damnit, Seattleites...are you going to stand for this shit? Portland is out-boycotting Seattle...your home!! YOUR HOME!!! The place you retire to at the end of a long day of heavy computing to eat your gluten-free lettuce wraps!! YOUR FUCKING HOME!

Well, I say fuck that and fuck Portland! Get out there and boycott something right now, you lazy boobs. May I suggest tunnels, to start?

And if you're one of the 27.3% who are already boycotting something... a big "thank you!" You people are doing great. But, Clambaker thinks you can do better! Either continue boycotting the current thing you are boycotting, only harder....OR...boycott something new! Like tunnels. Unless you're already boycotting tunnels...then boycott tunnels harder...because the movement needs you...

 - Clambaker