Good try, Timothy Treadwell...

Greeting from sunny British Columbia!

Man...been long, hard working year for Squatch! Squatch been so busy cleaning den, skinning deer, painting cave, hiding old bones of ancestors........and listening to Mrs. Squatch bitch and moan all the time!..."when you fix rabbit traps? When you get haircut? Why you like hot neighbor Squatch better than me? You no love me anymore!" Squatch say, "Squatch fix rabbit traps when you lose 50 pounds!" hahahahahahaha!! Squatch in trouble now!

I suppose it just normal busy work and life stuff...you feel Squatch's pain. Squatch know you busy too. Everybody busy! Life just movin' too fast! John Lennon say, "life what happen when you busy makin' other plans." That so true, Squatch think.

Squatch thought maybe head up north for break this summer to kick back and enjoy some french fry with gravy and some glacier-chilled Kokonee Gold. Everything goin' great until some asshole turn up and film Squatch hangin' out.

What the fuck, man? Squatch come to your vacation and film you?

Anyways...Squatch beeline it outta there in nick of time. Squatch still pissed wannabe Grizzly Man get some video of Squatch. Squatch attempting to contact Anonymous to ask them to hack YouTube and take down video.

Anonymous...if you read Washington Apple...contact Squatch immediately for special favor...

Thanks,

 - Squatch

Fin whale attempts to pick up stakes and move to a better life in Washington state...fails...dies...just like you would

 

Maybe you are considering taking that offer from your company and moving your family to the Pacific Northwest. Maybe you've heard of the legendary natural beauty, the amazing selection of banh-mi sandwiches...or maybe you're just fascinated by the idea of drinkable tap water...

Well stop right there, Mr. and Mrs. Fancypants, non-gluten eating, east-coaster. You should stay right where you are.

If a 50 ton whale can't hack it here, what chance do you have? And if you fail, Washingtonians will line up around the block to take picture of other locals taking pictures of themselves and tweeting about your dead carcass. 

Stay away. You've been warned... 

 - Clambaker

Mercer Island residents enraged by possible I-90 tolls...all other Washingtonians prepare world's smallest violin...

Mercer Island, WA. 

Mercer Island residents are once again up in arms over the perceived mistreatment and hardships imposed upon them by their volvo-less neighbors.

"If it is not one thing, it is, of course, another," said Mercer Island resident Duke Channing Charles McChannington III. "With what tax will they assail us next, I wonder? A monocle tax? Well there is little chance I will give them any of my hard-earned gold bullion bars for that, I can assure you," he chortled through his well-oiled mustache.

Mercer Island resident Sean Perryman (real Mercer Island resident) shares Duke McChannington's concern.

"If it's tolled then I don't know, I think I'm going to be stranded here for a little while," he said. (He actually said that).

"Whoopiddydoo!!," exclaimed every single non-Mercer Island resident of Washington. "Stay there!," they added.

 - Clambaker

SEA...HAWKS!!!!!!!!!!

Happier Than a Coho on The Other Side of The Ladder