Sunday, December 15, 2013

The Washington Apple Guide to Last Minute Christmas Shopping

Can you believe it is almost Christmas? Yes I can. It's been a whole year. I don't understand why someone wouldn't believe that. Like they don't believe in Santa Claus, they also don't believe a whole year has gone by? It's shit we learned in first grade, things like how to use a calendar as a way of tracking time. I don't get why people are always asking me that question.

So... Now that it is time to get together and exchange gifts with friends and family, you realized that you haven't bought a thing. Do Not Fret! It is all taken care of as we have done your shopping for you. All you have to do is put up the cash. Here are a few items of local significance to help you once again.

Let's go shopping!

Note: The following are actual items for sale on Craigslist

Olympia Beer Model
Here is a gift that is perfect for the coworker who never seems to make it in to work on time. Uh Oh, didn't get those reports done in time for the big meeting? This might just be an "Emergency"! Or maybe someone you know has never openly discussed their drinking problem, this gift will break the ice with a little dash of humor.

Seattle Pillow
I am sure you have someone on your list that is fanatical about their home decor. The type of person that has a couch so fancy they keep it wrapped in plastic. Then I know they couldn't be more excited to receive this commemorative embroidered pillow with yellow fringe that features some of the city's most cherished landmarks. The Boeing jet taking off high in the sky over beautiful Mt Rainier as the totem pole keeps watch. And if you have ever had visitors to Seattle, surely the 520 bridge was a destination.

UW Huskies Milk Cap
I'm not sure what a milk cap is or why they make collectible milk caps, but what a way to remember that game against Stanford in 1993... 20 years ago. But wait! It is a limited edition, only 40,000 of these milk caps were made.

Mt St Helens Ash Sculpture
If you know someone who doesn't have a Mt St Helens ash sculpture, shame on them. If you don't buy them a Mt St Helens ash sculpture, shame on you.

Hydroplane Pieces
Fuck Yeah! You know you want this for yourself, but it's Christmas and you have to think of others. OK, maybe keep the Valvoline one for yourself... wait... Definitely keep the Oh Boy Oberto for yourself, I mean that is a champion horse there. I'm sure your wife will be happy with the Valvoline scrap.

Kingdome Rubble
Here is the Holy Grail of local sacred artifacts. This is your opportunity to knock off four names from your Christmas list. Maybe three names, I don't know, that's for you to decide but I won't judge. These jewels measure in size up to 4 inches! Think about how happy you will make someone when they open up this gift and relive all the memories of watching Mariner baseball in the 80's while the roof was collapsing on them.

Have a safe and sane Christmas!

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